Some People Think
by Leigh Parker
Summary: A year in the life of the Baker clan... so chaotic, so overwhelming. Here are Kate Baker's thoughts about the year after the movie ends. PRECBTD2.
1. The Way It All Started

Living in a house with twelve kids and a husband is not easy. I know a lot of people who run away screaming when I tell them, "Oh! We have twelve kids!" We've lost so many neighbors that way… The Shenks decided to brave it out, but I'm giving them another three weeks, tops. At least now the kids can play music as loud as they want without forcing anyone in the vicinity to call the police for excessive sound. Yes, this has happened several times and no, it was not all my fault. Or maybe it was. But let's not go through that.

My name is Kate Baker. My life is so hectic, it's not even funny. People see me as the housewife who has no control over her children. Yes. There was the one time where Mike repelled from the roof, but again, that was once. And he WAS wearing safety gear, I mean, as long as he's safe… My children mean the world to me, along with my husband, Tom. So far, we haven't had too many major accidents. Well, once, Mark ran away, but we did find him, and everything was fine.

Sarah and Jake's new project seems to be to scare off the Shenks.

Dear God, I hope it works.

Tom's been reprimanding them though. I don't see the problem. They only hate us because certain children snuck out of the house to go crash a birthday party, even though Henry and Mike insist, to this day, that they "didn't crash the party, they were invited". Right and I've got 12 children.

Oh.

Anyway, this diary was Lorraine's idea. She thought I looked tense (this may have been because Charlie left for college and he was the peacemaker between the kids. At least he was taller than most of them…) and that I needed a creative outlet for my negative energy. Of course, it was a good idea, but a diary I ask you? I might as well go help Sarah and Jake with their sinister plot.

No, I must refrain. At any rate, my life couldn't be better. I've got 12 lovely children and a loving husband and a dog that no longer has accidents on the bedspreads (at least I don't think so).

_To Do List:_  
- Remind Mike to make his bed  
- Remind Kim to pack her own lunch; to stop "borrowing" Jake's lunch  
- Remind Jake to make his bed  
- Remind Mark to feed his frog  
- Make dinner (get Sarah, Lorraine, and Jessica to make dinner?)  
- Call Nora and Charlie  
- Find out where Nigel and Kyle are (Mark's room?)


	2. Why Hockey Is Good For You

Technically, I'm supposed to be downstairs telling Mark off for breaking the second set of glassware this week. But, I digress. It wasn't even completely Mark's fault. He's got a new frog, which he named Carrot. Where he managed to get the name Carrot from Pork and Beans, I'll never know.

At any rate, after I told Mark to feed Carrot, he did so, and I assumed everything was all and well. Right. So, three hours later, you hear a tremendous CRASH from the kitchen, along with Jessica and Sarah, who were on dish duty after dinner, screaming. Mark's frog had found its way into one of the cabinets with all the plates and cups.

I don't really think I need to elaborate.

Lorraine has decided to start making everything in our house _shiny. _Now, aside from the fact that this disturbs me a little, she decided to start with our newly installed chandelier. Our last one was destroyed when it just felloff the ceiling during Christmas dinner last month.

The repair company has started asking us to pay hospital bills.

Anyway, Lorraine got up onto the ladder, and started polishing the chandelier. I didn't really see a problem with this, because she had borrowed Jake's extra helmet and wrist guards in case she fell off the ladder. However I'd forgotten the rule about playing hockey in the house. So, WHOOSH comes Mike, Jake, Sarah, Kim, Henry, and Nigel down around the corner and into the foyer and straight into the ladder. All I've got to say is that I am eternally grateful that they were all wearing padding.

All the glass was cleared up in the end.

But I think they took another 2 years off my lifespan.

Kim and Jessica have been following Henry around the house, 24/7, shouting random Spanish verbs at him. While I agree that he needs to practice conjugating them, it's a bit disconcerting to hear "BAILAR! CANTAR! NADAR!" being shouted down the hallway during the night.

Tom got a new job coaching at the high school that Lorraine and Henry go to. He's been putting extra hours in, but he's only home after 10 on game nights.

_To Do List_

-- Buy new plates, cups: PLASTIC.

-- Buy Lysol

-- Get Jake and Mike to do their own laundry, there's a strange smell coming from that end of the hall

-- Investigate what Kim has chosen to do for her science project this year

-- Find out who stole all Tom's socks

-- Fix microwave


	3. The Barricade

Regardless of the fact that a grown woman such as myself is not dignified hiding from her youngest children in the front coat closet, that's where I am. Why, you ask? Well. It's all Tom's fault this time. It really is. He decided to take Nigel and Kyle out to the football stadium for practice this afternoon, and let me tell you, Nigel, Kyle, and a football do not mix. They managed to get into the equipment room and "borrow" a hockey puck, a football, a baseball bat, and a shin guard (just one) and sneak it ALL into the car without Tom noticing.

In all honesty, I'm not quite sure how they managed to sneak everything into the house without me or anyone else noticing.

Although I'm not quite sure no one else DID notice, I mean Mark, Mike and Jake and probably Sarah and Kim would have gone along with the plan and wanted to help with it, whatever the so-called "plan" actually is. It kind of looks like Nigel and Kyle got a hold of a dart set, glued the darts to the equipment, and they are throwing it around the house.

It's kind of pointless to stop them. They're WEARING hockey padding, they can't really get hurt.

As far as I know, Lorraine has barricaded herself in the upstairs bathroom, Jessica is at the library, Henry's at band practice (as usual), Jake and Mike are outside playing ping-pong, and Mark is reading upstairs in his room, with the door locked. Kim is in the downstairs bathroom, in the bathtub (I will probably never know exactly why, but my theory is that when she was little, I told her that bathrooms were the safest place from tornadoes, even better if you could get inside a bathtub – it does sound a bit like a tornado is coming through the house), and do believe that Tom is in the car, listening to his stereo. So, that left the front coat closet for me to take refuge in.

I wonder when this will be over. It shouldn't last---

--- NIGEL AND KYLE ARE GOING TO BE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES, I SWEAR, IF THEY'VE BROKEN THAT CHANDELIER. LORRAINE POLISHED THAT LAST WEEK, AND THEY BETTER NOT HAVE BROKEN IT. SERIOUSLY, THAT IS THE FOURTH CHANDELIER WE'VE—NO—FIFTH? AHH. I've lost count.

_To Do List_

-- don't call repair company  
-- invest in lamps

-- clean up front hallway

-- ground Kyle and Nigel

-- make sure everyone gets out of their hiding places

-- buy cheese and bread

-- calmly ahem talk to Tom about letting Nigel/Kyle into the equipment room

-- calmly talk to Tom about letting Nigel/Kyle out of the house

-- buy more hockey padding, for own safety


	4. My Sad Predicament

Oh, dear. Before things got less hectic, they had to get more chaotic, it's Murphy's Law. Curse you, Murphy. But, let me start from the beginning, there was the thing, and the school, with the kids, and well… Anyway.

Today I arrived home from the grocery store with approximately 4 messages from Evanston Central Middle School on the home phone. After listening to all of them, I concluded I didn't want to be there anytime soon, and to make Tom go if possible. Tom, it turned out, was working (again). So, I sent Nigel and Kyle to the Landon's (two houses down, across the street) and drove just under the speed limit all the way to ECMS. Hooray.

Upon arriving at the school (after driving around the block only about three times before I decided that was the longest I could lie to the school and say I had been 'stuck in traffic'), I saw Jake, Sarah, and Mark sitting in the office. Oh, fun. Five minutes later, the school counselor was telling me about what Sarah, Jake, and Mark had done to the west side of the cafeteria, this time concerning three bottles of whipped cream and a roll of toilet paper.

Hey, I say if you can wash it off, no harm done. But apparently, the counselor didn't completely agree with me.

"Sarah, Jake, and Michael--"

"It's Mark," said Mark.

"Ah. Yes. Sarah, Jake, and Mark have been troublemakers today."

You'd think that much was obvious, but of course, who am I to say!

They only got suspended for two days this time. I'm so proud. Sarcasm.

Sadly enough, I've really gotten myself into it deep this time. I, being the nice person I am, invited the school counselors to dinner because of all the trouble that Sarah, Jake, and Mark caused. So, three counselors are going to show up at our house tomorrow night, and I'm going to be cooking for _fifteen people_. Sixteen more like, because everyone eats so much. But at any rate… FIFTEEN PEOPLE! HOW DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF!

_To Do List_

-- Send sympathy cards to the middle school custodians

-- buy meat

-- buy vegetables

-- clean house

-- get Nigel and Kyle back from the Landon's

-- make Jessica and Kim and Mike clean the outside

-- make everyone else clean the inside

-- make Sarah, Jake, and Mark stay in their rooms


	5. Clothing or Lack Thereof

After the trip back from the middle school, during which I had to drive _and_ listen to what Sarah, Jake, and Mark had done with whipped cream that day, I had to go back out and go to the grocery store. I took Kim and Jessica with me, because with Lorraine being obsessed with cleaning the house, they are the most mature.

And the most likely to carry groceries into the house without breaking eggs or something.

Just as I was debating between normal salad or potato salad (or both), my cell phone rang. I used to not have a cell phone, but Nora insisted that I get one, because one of the kids is always using the home phone.

"Hello?" I said.

"Mom? It's Henry," said Henry.

"Hi, Henry. What do you need? Toothpaste? Soap? Speak now."

"No, I don't need anything from the store, but Jake needs a new toothbrush."

"I got him one last week! What happened to it?"

Silence.

"No, I don't want to know. What were you saying?"

"Well," Henry continued, "I don't want to alarm you, but Nigel has decided that he'd like to swim in the Shenks' swimming pool..."

"That's fine, as long as he was invited, and--"

"...with no swimsuit."

"Oh."

"...or other clothing."

"OH."

"Yeah, so um... the Shenks are going nuts, and Jake and Sarah are in the backyard launching underwear into the pool..."

God bless Jake and Sarah. We need new neighbors. But I couldn't exactly tell that to Henry.

"Tell Nigel to get out of the pool, or there will be consequences. Are you sure it's Nigel? Because usually it's Kyle that likes to go out in public... indecently."

"Oh, no. It's Nigel."

"Oh. Well, get him out of the pool, and make sure that the underwear launching stops." As an afterthought, I added, "And if you can't stop it completely, tell them that they need their underwear, and to launch something else, like your father's socks."

"You know they had those? The socks, I mean."

"Who else would have taken them? Anyway, Henry, I have to go buy food for tonight. Any suggestions?"

"Uh... Something that has—AHHHH MIKE GET OFF ME—NO! AHHHH—"

Click.

Once again, I was on my own to deal with the shopping. All Kim and Jessica wanted to get were school supplies.

_To Do List_

-- Collect socks and underwear from the Shenks' pool

-- Lock up remaining socks in fireproof box

-- Laundry detergent

-- Take Lorraine to a furniture store. Do not let her buy _anything._

-- Have Tom give Nigel severe talk about wearing clothes in public

-- Have Tom give Kyle severe talk about wearing clothes in public

-- Make sure Mike doesn't use his karate on Henry

_A/N: If anyone has ideas for a Some People Think chapter, please let me know! You can e-mail me at **charmleyatgmaildotcom** if you have any suggestions._


	6. Always Wear Shoes

The dinner was a success.

Dessert was... not.

I think everything would have been perfectly fine if it hadn't been for my poor planning skills. Tuesday nights were the nights that Tom held football practice in the back yard. Today was Tuesday, so the entire Evanston High School football team (which consisted of more people than I could count, although Tom tells me that it is, in fact, forty-one) arrived at our house at approximately 7:00 PM, just as I was setting the dessert plates out.

If Jake hadn't come running out of the bathroom with a roll of toilet paper in his hands, going, "MOM, MARK HAD TOO MUCH CHICKEN!" I probably would have been there to catch the football when it came through the window. But no, I was heading toward the downstairs bathroom, holding my breath, when I heard the crash and the screaming.

"Mo-om! Dad's playing football again!"

"MOM! DAD BROKE THE WINDOW AGAIN!"

Ah. Lovely. More window replacements. Maybe the repair companies will give us a discount, since they practically live in this house, anyway...

"AAAAHHHHH!" said Jake.

"Jake walked all over the glass," said Kim, matter-of-factly.

I peeked into the room and saw Gunner, the dog, on the table, Jake doing a dance and singing... er... yelling... and Nigel and Kyle strewing toilet paper around the room just for the heck of it. Tom hadn't quite noticed the broken window, but he would soon.

Three...

Two...

One...

"WHERE'S THE FOOTBALL?" yelled one of the players on the team.

The counselors from the school were completely terrified by this point. Actually, I think they'd left awhile ago, but there were so many people running around that I couldn't really tell who was who.

"QUIET!" I yelled. Silence. Finally.

"Is there going to be pie?" asked Sarah.

"_No_," I growled in a low voice. "Would everyone who lives here PLEASE clean up broken glass – no, not you Jake... you've done enough – clear the table, or wash dishes. NOW!"

Everyone started working, and I got the broom. It was going to be a long night.

Four hours later, at midnight, after most of the kids were asleep, Tom came into our bedroom.

"Honey, I'm sorry about today. I shouldn't have had the team practicing drills so close to the windows, and--"

"I really don't want to hear it right now. Sarah and Henry had to board up that window! Lorraine and Jessica are wearing bandages on their fingers, and we are now several plates short because Mike, Kim, Nigel, and Kyle decided to play dish hockey. And don't even get me started on--"

"Kate, I--"

"You know what Tom? I can't deal with this right now. I just can't." I turned over and switched off the lamp.

TO DO LIST

-- Call repairman... again

-- Bandage up Jake's feet

-- See what the smell coming from the closet in the front hall is

-- Go to the grocery store

-- Call the counselors and apologize for hours and hours


End file.
